March - Kidney Cancer and Endometriosis Awareness Month

Hola everyone!

As you all know, I am Kidney Cancer Survivor (yey!) and an Endometriosis warrior.  March is Awareness month for both.

I invite you to join me in both my Facebook groups, Cure Kidney Cancer and Endometriosis de Puerto Rico.  Endometriosis de Puerto Rico, is the group page for my organization.

Please feel free to share these images, and help me raise awareness.  These are both silent illnesses... and both are discovered by change on routine exams.  

Endometriosis is a very painful disease, that 1 in 10 women suffer... in silence.  It causes unbearable pain during menstruation and sex, along with other severe symptoms.  Most women with Endometriosis are infertile (thus, the reason I have no kids), have a lot of difficulty at work and in relationships.  And the worse part is that it can go for years untreated, as doctors are still treating it as PMS, PMDD, or worse, as a mental illness.  See my Endometriosis story here.

I count on you to help me raise awareness!

Endometriosis Awareness Images:

Kidney Cancer Awareness images:

#endometriosis #endometriosisawareness #endometriosiswarrior #kidneycancer #kidneycancersucks #kidneycancerawareness #kidneycancersurvivor

Peace and Healthy days for you!

Besitos,

Happy Kidney Birthday to Me!!!

Hola everyone!

Today is a special day… Today is my “Kidney Birthday”.  

5 years ago today, I became cancer-free.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I remember everything: what I was thinking, how I was feeling, what I was wearing, even what my doctor said to me right in the OR.  I remember how we wrote on the right side of my stomach and my abdomen.  He signed it with a Sharpie… he marked where he was going to operate.  I knew exactly how he was going to remove my right kidney along with the 5 inch cancerous tumor growing on it.

The 3 weeks between my diagnosis and surgery, have been the most intense time I have ever lived.  Nothing compares to it, not being in the Army, not even Basic Training.  I don’t think anything will ever compare.  Scans, tests… preparing physically and mentally for the surgery and then the recovery process… Intense.  Stressful.  But I did it.  We did it. 

I have the most wonderful team of doctors anyone could ever ask for.  I feel blessed for that.  And I have the most supportive, loving family in the world.  They never let me loose myself in my own mind, in my fears or in Google.  I was never alone, for they were all carrying me or more like we were all carrying each other through that time, and I think we all became stronger as a family because of it.

The OR waiting room in Puerto Rico hospitals only allow 1 family member to accompany a patient.  Other family members can wait in the lobby of the hospital if they so desire.  I had 10 people with me that day, right in that packed waiting room.  I had my support system with me while we waited for my name to be called up to get prepared and rolled out to surgery.  It looked like a party, although it didn’t feel like it… We were joking and laughing, trying not to think of the time ahead.  Trying to make time stand still for a little while.  Or trying to turn back time.  It doesn’t matter.  They were there, and I was there, looking at all of them, trying to engrave their faces, and their love, into my mind forever.  And I did. 

Today, I am cancer-free.  I’ve reached the 5 year mark! I AM CANCER FREE!!  And I think their love has had something to do with it.

Happy Kidney Birthday to me!

Blogging for Endometriosis – Week 2

I didn’t want week 2 of Blogging for Endometriosis Awareness to end without sharing this week’s topic:  Mental impact that endo has had on your life.

I must say that Endometriosis has impacted not only my physical life, but my mental state as well.  The biggest impact it has had, is the fact that I was never to have children.  This has been the biggest and saddest part of having Endometriosis.  Having to go through life without having a baby, has made me resent Endometriosis, my body, God, and life for the longest time. 

I dreamt of having children.  I dreamt of doing all those things that women without Endometriosis take for granted, especially, particularly, motherhood.  After my divorce from CA, almost 15 years ago, I was single for a long time, so it was never an “option” to bring a child into the world.  So, I kept putting it off.  And continue to deal with my physical well being, as only Endometriosis patients know. 

A couple of years after I met my husband JM, cancer appeared and all priorities changed.  Endometriosis may have saved my life, but it also kept me from what I wanted most:  motherhood.  And with cancer, I wasn’t sure I wanted to bring a baby into the world.  I didn’t think it would be fair to him or her to come into the world of a sick mother.  It was madness!  All I could do was cry and feel guilty. 

Believe it or not, when I was diagnosed with Kidney Cancer, all I could think about was, “now I won’t be able to have my baby…”  I kept asking my gyno and my oncologyst and they kept saying the same thing, “we’ll see”.   I wasn’t worried about cancer.  I wasn’t even worried about surviving.  I was worried about my chances of becoming a mother.  I wanted to know that after my cancer treatment I would be able to have a child.  It was an obsession.  It was draining.  I was exhausting.

It took me 2 years to get back to normal after my radical nephrectomy (removal of kidney) and be declared in total remission.  So, I started talking about babies again.  Constantly.  It was all I could think of.  I was all I could dream of.  I was furious for a while - with myself mostly - for not doing it sooner.  For trying to be healthy from Endometriosis before getting pregnant, for not going to Europe and get an IVF and be a single mother.  I was furious at God, at life, at my genes… And all I kept thinking was, no baby for me.  It was sad.   I was sad.

When I turned 39 I went back to the gyn.  Let’s do an IVF I said.  A dozen of tests were ordered.  And I came out with Atypical Ductal Hyperplasia on my left breast. 

Although it was not Endometriosis fault, with  breast “pre-cancer” no IVF could be done.  So again I was met with disappointment, sadness and frustration.  Again “motherhood” was far, far from my reach.  And a decision was made to do a full hysterectomy last May.  No more Endometriosis – and no more baby dreams for me. 

I started visiting a Psychologist a couple of years ago.  He has helped me cope with living life without children and the tears have now stopped.  I guess I’ve resigned myself to a childless life.  

Read Week 1 here.

Linking up with A New Kind of Normal for Blogging for Endometriosis Awareness 

and the Kidney Cancer Association.

I want to live

My Birthday!

Today is my Birthday! Every birthday is special.  Four years ago I celebrated an uncertain birthday, a birthday filled with fear and sadness... a birthday with a tumor in a kidney and a scheduled surgery.  A tough birthday.

Today, I am happier, healthier and more alive than ever.  Yes, I do celebrate my birthday.  Every day, for the rest of my life, it will be my birthday.

The Negative Commitee

Cancer cannot

Guardian

Listening to my Pandora, a song came up which touched me in a way that I haven't felt for a long, long time.  I want to share it with you, as I think we all need someone to watch over us.  And we should be grateful for them.

Alanis Morissette - "Guardian"

Enjoy!

Kidney Cancer awareness Month is every month